Miami, FL – Americans looking to lose some weight this year will have a new weapon in their arsenal as the new “South Beach Runway Model” diet is sweeping across the United States. Like the Atkins, Pritikin, and South Beach diets that came before it, it is a high power diet capable of producing significant [...]
San Francisco, CA – In what has become a debilitating phobia that is teetering on the brink of total breakdown, Pete Howell, a thirty three year old bartender from San Francisco has become convinced that he will die at the exact same moment his copy of Pink Floyd’s “P•u•l•s•e” stops blinking.
Eden Prairie, MN – Several patrons at a Target pharmacy in suburban Minneapolis silently came to the same conclusion today when they assumed that a slutty looking customer waiting in line at the pharmacy was there to refill her prescription for Valtrex, a drug used in the management of genital herpes.
London, England – The International Tennis Federation [ITF] announced today that in light of Richard Gasquet’s testing positive for cocaine, they will be taking a second look at a tennis match in which he took an unprecedented 147 bathroom breaks.
South Gate, CA – The music and medical worlds collided at a South Gate, CA hospital today when Sen Dog, a former member of the rap group Cypress Hill, coughed out the remainder of a bong hit that was taken in 1993.
New York, NY – Baseball great Alex Rodriguez held a press conference today in which he retracted all of his comments made to ESPN’s Peter Gammons about steroid use. According to Rodriguez, the entire interview was a huge misunderstanding because he thought the interview was to discuss hemorrhoids, not steroids.
People all over the world totally lost their shit this past Monday when it was revealed that a twenty three year old kid likes smoking weed! A few cities even shut down because people’s feelings of disbelief prevented them from making it to work.
After nearly 25 years of painstaking research and development, a UC-Larely Chemistry Professor has finally perfected a new drug for Huey Lewis. The professor, Dr. Charles Osborne hailed the finding as “realizing his life’s dream”.
Larely, CA – In an effort to inject some more fun back into reading, Larely based book publishing company Flashback Publishing announced that they will begin selling an edition of the classic Hunter S. Thompson novel, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas that will be printed entirely on blotter paper and perforated into ½ inch [...]
As one of the most popular musicians in the world, Amy Winehouse has sold millions of records. However, she is also one of the musicians hit hardest by illegal downloading and her inability to get paid off these downloads is costing her drug dealers millions of dollars in sales.
Studio City, CA – Researchers at Fox Television announced today that they have confirmed that a recent nationwide shortage of marijuana has been the cause of dwindling ratings for Fox’s new show “Hole in the Wall” (also known as “Human Tetris” on youtube).
Larely, CA – Jam-Band Parking Lot Economists announced their worry today about the value of marijuana steadily weakening against the value of a Widespread Panic concert ticket. They fear this weakening could upset the very delicate nature of the “drugs for goods” trading system that has been keeping the jam band tour industry afloat since [...]
