Columbus, OH – Fast food chain White Castle revealed major renovation plans today when it was announced that they will soon begin installing moats and drawbridges around their 392 locations throughout the United States.
San Francisco, CA – Social networking and micro-blogging giant Twitter was dealt a major blow today when their iconic and often used “fail whale”, which alerted Twitter users of temporary outages, was caught and killed by a Japanese whaling ship off the coast of Antarctica.
Miami, FL – Americans looking to lose some weight this year will have a new weapon in their arsenal as the new “South Beach Runway Model” diet is sweeping across the United States. Like the Atkins, Pritikin, and South Beach diets that came before it, it is a high power diet capable of producing significant [...]
Washington, D.C. – Looking to raise money after exhausting their $1 billion appropriation, the Car Allowance Rebate System, more commonly known as “Cash for Clunkers” announced that they will now be implementing a “Clunkers for Cash” program that will allow Americans to buy “clunkers” back from the government for their full blue book value.
In an effort to bolster their Canadian traffic, About.com announced today that they have acquired the Canadian domain Aboot.ca. The domain, which is a play on Canadians’ tendency to unconsciously pronounce “about” as “aboot”, was purchased by the New York based company for an astounding $30 million and was previously home to a Neil Peart [...]
Valley State Prison for Women, Chowchilla, CA – The California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation was forced to grant an early release to super villain Camern Sandiego today after an influx of new prisoners caused the prison to exceed its maximum capacity.
St. Petersburg, FL – Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales made a very heartfelt public apology today when it was discovered that the site does not have an entry for the late Cal Jammer, a male porn star who has over 300 adult films to his name.
Los Angeles, CA – In yet another addition to the list of problems facing the United States, President Obama told reporters today that he is “extremely concerned” about how low America’s hyperbole reserve has become following Tuesday’s memorial service for Michael Jackson.
Juneau, AK – The World Conservation Union (IUCN) identified yet another endangered species today when they added the Governor Cougar (Puma congovernor) to its “Red List”.
Tehran, Iran – In an effort to quell some of the violence and protests that have been taking place in the days since Iran’s presidential election, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he has hired Rod Blagojevich to verify that the election results being reported have not been tampered with and are indeed the correct [...]
Larely, CA – In the second case this week of a U.S. judge ordering the arrest of a parent failing to provide life saving medical care to their child, a Larely Judge issued an arrest warrant today for the mother of a fifteen year old girl who is resisting getting breast implants.
Milwaukee, WI – On the heels of the story that former Green Bay Packer quarterback Brett Favre is thinking about coming out of retirement to play for the Minnesota Vikings, orphanages and foster homes all over Wisconsin are finding themselves inundated with children whose name contains either ‘Brett’ or ‘Favre’.
Washington, D.C. – Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore stirred up another environmental controversy yesterday when, during a speech commemorating Earth Day, he revealed that at the current pace, all mana on Earth would be tapped by the year 2030.
Washington, D.C. – In his address to Congress Tuesday night Barack Obama was emphatic that the country’s road to economic recovery will begin with widespread usage of the magicJack, which would save the country billions of dollars.
East Hanover, NJ – Looking to create some publicity and inject a little more flair into its new Double Stuf Racing League, Oreo announced today that they have signed Lyle and Erik Menendez to a lucrative long term deal.
Washington, D.C. – In a meeting with reporters today, President George W. Bush announced that he would be strategically leaving his eight year run as president off of his resume when searching for a new job.
Golden, CO – The Coors Brewing Company announced today that they will soon begin offering Coors Light in a new “shotgunnable can” that will feature a second tab on its side to allow for easy shotgunning.
San Jose, CA – As a result of the arrest of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, online auction giant eBay has decided to remove the Governor’s listing for an “Illinois Senate Seat”.
Detroit, MI – Designers at General Motors announced today that they are working hard on developing a new car that will run entirely on burning $100 bills.
Washington, D.C. – Despite Barack Obama having already garnered 349 electoral votes, 79 more than are needed to win the presidency, and John McCain having given his succession speech last night, Independent candidate Ralph Nader is holding firm and refusing to concede the election to Obama until all of the absentee ballots have been counted.
Seattle, WA – With almost every news source in the country scrambling to accompany its Monday “Dow Jones” articles with pictures of “dejected stock traders”, image database Getty Images was propelled to a new single day sales record on September 29th, 2008.
