Baltimore, MD – Jon Gruden, the newest addition to the “Monday Night Football” team of announcers, found himself making his very first announcer related apology today after he accidentally applied the “he’s so well spoken” compliment to a white player.
Philadelphia, PA – With Michael Vick’s recent release from a federal prison in Leavenworth, many advertising executives have been waiting with bated breath to see if any companies out there that would be willing to give the once popular football star a second chance at endorsing products.
Cincinnati, OH – The National Skee-Ball Hall of Fame and Museum made some serious waves in the sporting world today when it ruled that Pete Rose, one of sport’s all-time great players would be denied induction into their hall of fame.
Indianapolis, IN – What started out as an ordinary day soon proved to be momentous for Indiana Pacers rookie Tyler Hansbrough. The new draft pick agreed to terms with the Indiana Pacers and signed his first and last NBA contract. The deal, a four year contract with a team option on the third and fourth [...]
Wimbledon, London, England – In an effort to create more excitement for the top ranked British tennis players, the All England Club announced today that they have created a “Bogdanovic Bidet” to be installed on their grounds next to Henman Hill, which is also commonly referred to as Mt. Murray.
Minneapolis, MN – In what could signal a growing trend of athletes changing their names, Minnesota Twins All-Star catcher Joe Mauer announced that he has legally changed his first name to “Jock”.
Leavenworth, KS – In a move designed to give Americans a much needed respite from stories about Brett Favre’s possible NFL comeback, former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was released from a federal penitentiary today.
London, England – The International Tennis Federation [ITF] announced today that in light of Richard Gasquet’s testing positive for cocaine, they will be taking a second look at a tennis match in which he took an unprecedented 147 bathroom breaks.
San Diego, CA – Eight years removed from his hall-of-fame baseball career, former San Diego Padres great Tony Gwynn is hoping that this will finally be the year that he hits 400. Gwynn, who is currently the head baseball coach at San Diego State University, his alma mater, has been in hot pursuit of the [...]
Denver, CO – Bars all over Denver are bracing for the upcoming arrival of new Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton, who was recently acquired [along two first round picks] in a trade with the Chicago Bears.
Phoenix, AZ – Nate Robinson left the crowd in shock and awe when he took the slam dunk championship title away from Dwight Howard this past February 14th at the U.S. Airways Center.
New York, NY – Baseball great Alex Rodriguez held a press conference today in which he retracted all of his comments made to ESPN’s Peter Gammons about steroid use. According to Rodriguez, the entire interview was a huge misunderstanding because he thought the interview was to discuss hemorrhoids, not steroids.
People all over the world totally lost their shit this past Monday when it was revealed that a twenty three year old kid likes smoking weed! A few cities even shut down because people’s feelings of disbelief prevented them from making it to work.
Tampa, FL – The Arizona Cardinals’ hopes to win a Super Bowl title this year were dealt a very serious blow today when starting quarterback Kurt Warner announced that he would be skipping the Super Bowl on Sunday in order to attend church services.
Glendale, AZ – Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb added yet another item to his sparkling NFL resume on Sunday when, after a loss to the Arizona Cardinals, he won his fourth NFC Runner-Up ring.
Bradenton, FL – In a historic sports endorsement deal, women’s tennis superstar Maria Sharapova has come to an agreement with Nike to replace her trademark grunting with a yell of “Swoosh”.
East Rutherford, NJ – DeAngelo Williams was named MVP of your Fantasy Football Championship and nearly single handedly carried you to the title after he racked up 108 rushing yards and four touchdowns against the New York Giants in week sixteen of the NFL season.
New York, NY – Doctors in the Plaxico Burress shooting case released their first bit of positive news today when they announced that the self-inflicted gunshot wound should drastically improve the embattled wide receiver’s pimp limp.
Dallas, TX – Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo held a meeting with head coach Wade Phillips and offensive coordinator Jason Garrett today to express his desire to create more rushing plays for tight end Jason Witten. After the meeting, Romo met briefly with reporters and said, “When Witten and I have our weekly private meetings [...]
New York, NY – The New York Knicks received some troubling news from their team doctor today when tests revealed that they were carrying around a 6ft 2in, 205lb malignant tumor.
Irondale, AL – In a move intended to draw more people over to its network, EWTN [Eternal World Television Network] announced today that they have tabbed former Los Angeles Laker A.C. Green to host a new show that will devote one hour a night to NBA coverage.
New York, NY – In an American League MVP race that was expected to come down to the wire, Boston Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia ended up winning the award handily after he received 100 bonus points from baseball commissioner Bud Selig because he plays on the east coast.
New York, NY – After a tough loss to Joe Calzaghe this past weekend, Roy Jones, Jr. was itching to get back in the ring for another bout. Jones now appears to be well on his way as he announced today that he has agreed to a bout with Teen Wolf Too.
Cleveland, OH – Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn became the center of attention in the Browns’ locker room today after he became extremely angry at a group of reporters, slammed an EAS Myoplex shake and declared the Browns’ season “done”.
Washington, DC – Sue Burns and Bill Neukom, who manage the ownership group of Major League Baseball’s San Francisco Giants, appeared before congress today to request a federal bailout from Barry Zito’s seven-year, $126 million contract, as they fear any further payment on it may force the team to file for bankruptcy.
Kyoto, Japan – After years of facing pressure over the deteriorating condition of Tengen Stadium, Nintendo has finally given in and decided to recall all copies of the game RBI Baseball in order to give the stadium a complete renovation.
The Tour de France bicycle race gained another team for its 2009 race today when they announced that they had reached a team-sponsorship agreement with Puck Technology, the company who manufactures the Original Whizzinator. The Original Whizzinator, which is a product that uses a prosthetic penis to defeat drug tests, has long been looking for [...]
Due to a recent rash of injuries in the defensive secondary and a suspension to CB Adam “Pacman” Jones, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has contacted the North Carolina Prison Board about the possibility of signing Rae Carruth and converting him to a defensive back.
Fresno, CA – In a brewing feud between two former NFL quarterbacks, Dan Marino has admitted that he’s sick and tired of Trent Dilfer sending him pictures of the Super Bowl ring Dilfer won with the Baltimore Ravens in 2001.
Dallas, TX – With the upcoming NHL season about to begin, veteran Dallas Stars center Mike Modano has made it this season’s goal to once again drink Zima out of the Stanley Cup.
Surrey, VA. – In an effort to solve a strange, real life botanical mystery, botanists have flocked to the property previously owned by Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick to try and figure out what could be causing an abundance of red ferns to be growing on the property.
Memphis, TN – Less than two months after signing a multi-year deal with the Memphis Grizzlies, O.J. Mayo held a press conference yesterday to publicly announce his disappointment that the deal will actually result in a pay cut from what he was making at USC.
