Phoenix, AZ – After making a miraculous recovery from a brain hemorrhage suffered in late April, former Poison front-man Bret Michaels blew even more minds today when it was revealed that his near fatal hemorrhage was caused by years upon years of bandana abuse.
Larely, CA – In a study initially intended to gauge young women’s opinions toward misogynistic rap songs before and after alcohol consumption, a professor at UC-Larely seems to have accidentally stumbled upon a mysterious phenomenon that she is unable to explain.
Northfield, IL – Joining a long list of companies who are choosing to honor the achievements made by the late Michael Jackson, Kraft Foods, Inc. (NYSE: KFT) announced today that are working hard to develop a new flavor of salad dressing named “Neverland Ranch”.
San Francisco, CA – In what has become a debilitating phobia that is teetering on the brink of total breakdown, Pete Howell, a thirty three year old bartender from San Francisco has become convinced that he will die at the exact same moment his copy of Pink Floyd’s “P•u•l•s•e” stops blinking.
San Francisco, CA – Musician Jenny Lewis announced today that she will be cancelling her tour effective immediately to begin principle photography on “The Wii-zard”, which is a sequel to the 1989 film “The Wizard” that she starred in alongside Fred Savage. Lewis, who was touring in support of her new solo album “Acid Tongue”, [...]
Pioneer Hall, UC-Larely, Larely, CA – In an event which places it in the mp3 pantheon with heavy hitters like “The Who-Teenage Wasteland.mp3 and Phish-Gin-n-Juice.mp3, Bob Dylan-Stuck in the Middle With You.mp3 reached one billion downloads earlier today.
South Gate, CA – The music and medical worlds collided at a South Gate, CA hospital today when Sen Dog, a former member of the rap group Cypress Hill, coughed out the remainder of a bong hit that was taken in 1993.
Outside the Tasty Freeze, Heartland, USA – In a depressing sign of just how bad the economy has gotten, John Mellencamp announced today that these current economic times are just too depressing for even him to sing about.
Los Angeles, CA – Kanye West’s ego announced today that it will soon be stepping out from the shadows of Kanye West and releasing its own solo album. The album, which will be released on Roc-A-Fella Records, is slated to be released sometime next year.
Los Angeles, CA – Musician Kid Rock took home his first ever Grammy Award this past weekend when he was honored with a “Lifetime Over-Achievement Award”.
San Francisco, CA – The world of rock music received a shot in the arm today when it was revealed that rock bands Creed and Third Eye Blind would be uniting for the first annual “Douchebags of Rock” tour.
After nearly 25 years of painstaking research and development, a UC-Larely Chemistry Professor has finally perfected a new drug for Huey Lewis. The professor, Dr. Charles Osborne hailed the finding as “realizing his life’s dream”.
Paris, France – Daft Punk fans everywhere were saddened today when it was announced that a glitch in Windows Vista that prevents PC’s from running the software program Ableton Live 7 would be forcing them to cancel their Spring 2009 tour.
Seattle, WA – Delilah Rene, host of the widely syndicated request and dedication radio show, “Delilah”, announced today that she won’t be playing Journey’s song “Open Arms” on her show until she hears from a special caller with an extraordinary story.
San Luis Obispo, CA – A group of audio engineers from Cal Poly [California Polytechnic State University] announced today that after thorough investigation, they don’t believe that the new posthumous Notorious B.I.G. song, “Going Back to Cal Poly” is authentic.
Larely, CA – A group calling themselves “One-Hit Wonders for Equality” filed a discrimination law suit against Larely radio station KLRY today alleging that the station’s “Two for Tuesday” format discriminates against them because they only have one song fit for radio.
Hell, Hell – Residents of Hell awoke this past Sunday morning to find that temperatures had plummeted and frost and ice had permeated the land. According to meteorologists, it was the first time in all of eternity that Hell had actually frozen over. In fact, the low temperature of 32º F (0º C) was the [...]
Larely, CA – Larely’s Guitar Center store reached a major milestone this weekend when it registered its 1,000,000th playing of the first four measures of Nirvana’s grunge classic, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.
Times Square, New York, NY – After ten years and 2,247 episodes, MTV’s show “Total Request Live” [TRL] aired for the final time this past Sunday night. And even more impressive than a ten year run on a station that is continually changing gears so not to lose touch with youth culture, is the fact [...]
Los Angeles, CA – A possible bug in the Shazam application for Apple’s iPhone was discovered today when it was revealed the program crashes and the phone locks up whenever it tries to find any discernible difference between Nickelback songs.
After years of adamant denials to the contrary, Warrant lead singer Jani Lane finally admitted today that their hit song “Cherry Pie”, was actually about cherry pie.
Oakland, CA – In an effort to make a little cash in these tough economic times, M.C. Hammer sent all of his gold records into Cash-4-Gold.com today.
San Francisco, CA – Internationally acclaimed children’s singer Raffi shocked the crowd at a concert today when he became enraged and repeatedly yelled that he was “foocking soock of singing about oopples and boo-noo-noos”.
As one of the most popular musicians in the world, Amy Winehouse has sold millions of records. However, she is also one of the musicians hit hardest by illegal downloading and her inability to get paid off these downloads is costing her drug dealers millions of dollars in sales.
Compton, CA – Music’s newly formed “Feat. Hall of Fame” announced today that rapper/singer Nate Dogg was the unanimous choice to be its inaugural member.
Larely, CA – As Mark Dufferman pulled up to Larely’s “Ground the Clock” coffee shop to work on his screenplay, he turned up 88.3 FM [KHIP], to catch the first few seconds of the new single “Colonial Nepotism” by avant-garde noise band, Strepitant Hebetude.
Larely, CA – Jam-Band Parking Lot Economists announced their worry today about the value of marijuana steadily weakening against the value of a Widespread Panic concert ticket. They fear this weakening could upset the very delicate nature of the “drugs for goods” trading system that has been keeping the jam band tour industry afloat since [...]
Oakland, CA. – Oakland police made a huge break in a cold case today as a DNA sample implicated rapper Too $hort in the death of Oakland native Blow Job Betty. Using DNA samples that had been retrieved from Betty’s face, her neck, and chest, Oakland police now have their suspect. Case files indicate that [...]
Larely, CA – Researchers at the University of California-Larely’s Primate Research Laboratory are celebrating today after accidentally making their largest breakthrough to date in their research of intelligence in chimpanzees.
