Los Angeles, California – Today proved to be a great day for James Cameron and his latest low-budget creation “Avatar”, as it was nominated for a record nine Independent Spirit Awards, including “Best Film”.
Beverly Hills, CA – The American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was forced to hand down a harsh punishment to one of its Oscar winning directors this week when Kevin Costner* revealed that he had used illegal steroids to prepare for his role as Crash Davis in the 1988 film “Bull Durham”.
Hoffman Estates, IL – In what is sure to become a very high profile case, Kmart, a subsidiary of the Sears Holding Corporation, has filed a lawsuit against Raymond “Rain Man” Babbitt.
Larely, CA – The city of Larely is having to answer some serious questions today after 58 people were killed when a bomb was detonated on a subway car just east of Larely Parkway. Apparently, the incident was a hijacking-for-ransom attempt that went bad after neither police nor a hostage negotiator were sent to the [...]
Vatican City – Standing in his usual library window overlooking St. Peter’s Square (Piazza San Pietro), Pope Benedict XVI addressed a crowd of over 100,000 people today to denounce the movie “Angels and Demons” for being shitty.
MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA – The U.S. Navy announced today that they will be creating a memorial statue for Lt. Nick “Goose” Bradshaw, a Radar Intercept Officer [RIO] who was killed during a TOPGUN training mission over twenty years ago.
London, England – Looking to branch out from its wax sculpture roots, Madame Tussauds Museum announced today that they will soon be opening a new Leather Museum and that a figure of actor Clint Eastwood would be its inaugural sculpture.
Larely, CA – The Larely Association of Women Professionals honored actress Tara Reid as its “2008 Woman of the Year” today at its annual banquet held at Larely’s Red Roof Inn.
Hollywood, CA – In a risky move that, if successful, could revolutionize the football movie genre, movie director Michael Bay’s new football movie will actually feature tackles that aren’t all back breaking.
Almhult, Sweden – In an agressive effort to earn a large share of the casting couch market, furniture giant Ikea announced today that it would begin selling a $79 casting couch on January 1, 2009.
Larely, CA – Fourteen year old Jon Graham expressed a deep regret today for masturbating to the movie poster of “Wonder Woman” featuring Megan Fox after it was determined the picture was a fake, and the whole story was a hoax.
Chatsworth District, Los Angeles, CA – The pharmaceutical industry is expected to be caught up in a wave of negative publicity today after the Fluffers Union of America filed a lawsuit against Pfizer, the maker of Viagra.
Hollywood, CA – Members of both the Broadcast Film Critics Association and the American Meteorological Society held a press conference this morning to announce that the lack of Blockbuster movies this Fall will result in Winter arriving as much as three weeks earlier than usual.
Viewing a movie ten years after its release will make a person realize that certain things can become dated. Fashions change, styles change, even the cars on the street change. However, ten years after the release of Michael Bay’s blockbuster film “Armageddon”, the science in the film remains spot-on in its discussion of both asteroids [...]
Larely, CA – In an unprecedented showing of inter-departmental collaboration, professors from UC-Larely’s Geometry, Physics, and Biology Departments have recently completed a six month long study that proves it impossible for the sex positions found in softcore porn to result in actual penetration.
Hollywood, CA – Charlie Johnstone was hired to be the Key Grip on the new Paramount Pictures movie, “Transcendental Force”, starring Randy Quaid. However, after two full weeks of filming, he still has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing. “I saw in an ad on craigslist that they needed a key grip for [...]
Hollywood, CA – In a recent interview given to “The Larely Weekender”, screenwriter Eric Bernt lamented his decision to make Gary Busey the first character to die-off in his movie, “Surviving the Game”, a tour de force thriller in which six hunters try to hunt and kill another man for sport.
Stockholm, Sweden – On one of the biggest days of the year for the field of Physics, Dr. Emmett Brown was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics today for his experiment in which he successfully set all of the clocks in his workshop/house precisely 25 minutes slow. The experiment, deemed “groundbreaking” by all five members [...]
Larely, CA – When Maverick McSpunk first came on to the adult film scene a year ago, the world was a giant clam, laid out in front of him. He didn’t have a care in the world as he woke up every day and was paid to repeatedly ram his eleven inches of pink steel [...]
Hollywood, CA – As more plot details continue to be leaked from the set of the movie “The Brotherhoold of the Traveling Shpants”, many critics are starting to suspect the movie is being secretly funded and produced by giant outdoor outfitter company Cabela’s.
