BP: “Oil Spilling Into Gulf of Mexico Will Repel Hurricanes this Season”
Gulf of Mexico Coastline, U.S. – Anxiety gave way to security today for the Gulf of Mexico region of the United States after oil company BP announced that the 5,000 barrels of oil spilling into the gulf waters each day will repel future hurricanes.
The underwater spill, which was the result of an oil-rig explosion, continues to spew light sweet crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico and has considerably raised anxiety levels in a region whose economy is dependant upon the gulf. The region is currently the nation’s number one producer of shrimp and oysters and also has a very prominent commercial fishing presence.
However, Doug Suttles, the COO of BP, sought to calm the area’s worried residents saying, “I know a lot of you are worried about the environmental impact of 5,000 barrels of oil a day spilling into the Gulf of Mexico and washing up on your shores in just a couple days, but I assure you that any environmental worry pales in comparison to the security you will feel in knowing that come hurricane season, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida (Gulf side only) will be left untouched.”
The Atlantic hurricane season to which Suttles is referring, lasts from June 1 to November 30, with a sharp peak in late August through September. It has produced numerous devastating hurricanes, including Hurricane Katrina, the largest natural disaster in the history of the United States.
Suttles went on to tell the crowd that, “After the Exxon Valdez spill in 1989, the oil companies banded together and hired scientists to figure out what the positive impacts of large volume oil spills were. After years of tireless research, we finally figured out that large oil slicks actually work as a hurricane repellent, why do you think Cleveland and Detroit make it through every season unscathed?”
Some residents were skeptical, however, claiming that had never before heard of any linking oil spills to decreased instances of hurricanes. “That’s a totally natural reaction, people are often question the unfamiliar. However, the resources that oil companies have allow us to bring in the best scientists in the world. And what incentive would there be for us, and oil company, to fudge this data?”
Especially happy with the announcement was New Orleans Mayor-Elect Mitch Landrieu who told reporters in New Orleans that the spill would be good for the city as “money that was appropriated for repair and maintenance of levees can now be used elsewhere until next year.
