Opinion: Judge Wapner Only Logical Choice for Supreme Court Vacancy
As President Obama begins the process of naming a replacement for retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter, sources have been reporting that he has narrowed the list down to about a half dozen prospects.
Unfortunately for all of us, the list is littered with the predictable candidates of federal appeals court judges [Sotomayor, Wood], Solicitor Generals [Kagan], Homeland Security Secretaries [Napolitano] and Governors [Granholm], and state Supreme Court Justices [Moreno].
Frankly, this list does nothing for me, and I don’t believe it does much for the rest of the country either. It doesn’t push our country any closer to the changes that Obama promised. It’s simply more of the same old, same old.
However, it’s not too late to fix this problem. When it boils down to making the right decision to replace Justice Souter, there really is only one logical choice: Judge Joseph Wapner.
Wapner, a graduate of USC Law School, as well as a Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient while serving in WWII, has proven over the years that he’s able to successfully mediate a myriad of difficult situations, and even though he’s twenty years older than Justice Souter, my sources tell me that he’s more than up for the task.
An abridged version of Judge Wapner’s resume blows all the other nominees out of the water and reads like this: Appointed to the Los Angeles Municipal Court in 1959 and served two years before being elevated to the Los Angeles County Superior Court. He held this position for eighteen years before retiring. After this position, he presided over The People’s Court for twelve magnificent years, four of which were nominated for Daytime Emmy Awards. This was followed by another two years presiding over Judge Wapner’s Animal Court. Now, if that doesn’t sound like the pedigree of a Supreme Court Justice, I don’t what does.
Wapner has also received glowing recommendations from many of his old co-workers. Reached by phone, Doug Llewelyn, who worked with Wapner for twelve years on The People’s Court said, “Joe would be the perfect guy for the job. He’s a war hero that’s continued to serve his country for the last sixty years. I only wish Bailiff Rusty Burrell were alive today, as his testimonial for Judge Wapner would be far better than mine.”
Men like Judge Wapner come along only once in a generation, so, President Obama, I implore you to do the right thing and get Wapner’s agent on the phone. Then you can sit back and watch as the rest of America stands up and says, “Yes We Can!”
Note: The views expressed in Op/Ed pieces are the views of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Larely Beagle, except for in cases like this where the author is totally fucking right about Wapner.
