The Larely Beagle – The Community Newspaper of Larely, California

Northfield, IL – Joining a long list of companies who are choosing to honor the achievements made by the late Michael Jackson, Kraft Foods, Inc. (NYSE: KFT) announced today that are working hard to develop a new flavor of salad dressing named “Neverland Ranch”.

The salad dressing, which is named for the 2,676 acre property where the King of Pop made his home from 1988-2005, is the brainchild of longtime Kraft employee Macaulay Feldman. Feldman, a quality control monitor, told reporters, “As soon as I heard about Michael’s passing I went into a state of deep depression and I didn’t leave my house for nearly a week. But after listening to the song ‘Man in the Mirror’ for the 1,000th time, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I was a willow deeply scarred, somebody’s broken heart and a washed out dream. I was following the pattern of the wind because I had no place to be, so I decided to start with me and make the change. That change was to start looking for ways to remember Michael Jackson instead of mourning his loss. That’s when I thought of creating ‘Neverland Ranch’ salad dressing.”

Immediately following the epiphany, Feldman went back to work and told his supervisor of his idea. That supervisor sent it to his supervisor, who sent it to her supervisor, and within a couple hours the idea had made its way all the way up to Kraft CEO Irene Rosenfeld, who gave the go ahead.

“As soon as I head the news it was approved I collapsed into an emotional heap.” Feldman said. “This product is just going to be one more way to keep the positive aspects at the forefront of Michael Jackson’s legacy, sha’mon!”

“Neverland Ranch”, like other ranch dressings, will be made from buttermilk, sour cream, mayonnaise, green onion, and garlic powder. It is due to start shipping to grocery stores before the end of August.

The new dressing could also mean more good news for Kraft stockholders, who have seen their stocks make the long climb back to $25.75 after hitting a ten year low of $21.62 on March 2, 2009. According to financial analysts, if people were to begin associating ranch dressing primarily with “Neverland Ranch” as opposed to “Hidden Valley Ranch”, the stock prices of Kraft would go through the roof.