The Larely Beagle – The Community Newspaper of Larely, California

Wimbledon, London, England – In an effort to create more excitement for the top ranked British tennis players, the All England Club announced today that they have created a “Bogdanovic Bidet” to be installed on their grounds next to Henman Hill, which is also commonly referred to as Mt. Murray.

The “Bogdanovic” that the bidet refers to is British tennis player Alex Bogdanovic, who is currently ranked 191 in the world and is Great Britain’s #3 ranked player behind Andy Murray and Joshua Goodall.

T.D. Phillips CBE, who is Chairman of the All England Club’s Committee of Management, was excited to break the news, saying, “We think tennis fans are going to be very excited for ‘Boggo’s Bidet’, as they’ll be able to use it to thoroughly clean out their inner buttocks and anus after they’ve finished defecating on our grounds. We expect it to receive lots of use this fortnight.”

Henman Hill/Mt. Murray, which is formally named Aorangi Terrace, is a wildly popular place for spectators to gather during two week tournament, as people without showcourt tickets can watch matches live on a giant television screen located on the side of No.1 Court. It was named after former British #1 Tim Henman and has been slowly transitioning over to “Mt. Murray” since Henman’s retirement from tennis in 2007.

The effort by the All England Club to recognize Bogdanovic is being hailed by many as a very nice gesture considering his relationship with Britain’s Lawn Tennis Association has been tumultuous at times. In 2004 they withdrew the bulk of his funding due to a perceived lack of commitment, and questions about his drive and passion for the sport have been questioned many times over the years. He was also dropped from Great Britain’s Davis Cup squad this year.

Bogdanovic also received an unprecedented eighth wild-card entrance into Wimbledon this year and was once again unable to capitalize, losing in straight sets to 20th seeded Tomas Berdych. After the match, Paul Annacone, the LTA’s men’s head coach told the media that Boggo will no longer be eligible to receive a wildcard, and his entry into next year’s Wimbledon will be determined solely by his ranking.

The All England Club has also stated publicly that they’d to commemorate the installation of the bidet by having Alex be the first to use it, but attempts to reach him have so far been unsuccessful.