Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Hires Rod Blagojevich to Verify Iranian Election Results
Tehran, Iran – In an effort to quell some of the violence and protests that have been taking place in the days since Iran’s presidential election, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he has hired Rod Blagojevich to verify that the election results being reported have not been tampered with and are indeed the correct results.
The election, which was held on June 12, was won in a landslide by Ahmadinejad where he nearly doubled the total amount of votes received by his opposition, Mir-Hossein Mousavi. However, these results were highly contested as pre-election polling showed the two nearly tied in the days leading up to the election. The result has also sparked numerous protests from Mousavi supporters, many of which have resulted in violence. The resulting protests have also led Ahmadinejad to start censoring media reports from Iran being broadcast to Western Europe and the United States.
In one of the news items that was allowed through the censors, Ahmadinejad said, “I won this election fair and square, so I’ve hired an impartial third party whose name is synonymous with integrity to confirm these results. After his findings confirm what I’ve been telling everyone for nearly a week now, I expect things to return to normal quite quickly.”
Ahmadinejad, when asked why he chose an American to verify the results, replied, “I admire Rod’s courage and think that we have a lot in common. When he was governor of Illinois, Rod was a tireless supporter of gun control, which I also happen to support. I’ve also taken a close look at his open road tolling system and think something similar could help the traffic here in Tehran. But most of all, bringing in someone whose word is trusted all over world will show once and for all that there is nothing nefarious going on here in Iran.”
Blagojevich, who most recently starred in The Second City’s musical entitled “Rod Blagojevich Superstar”, is scheduled to fly out later today after the travel restriction resulting from his pending criminal charges is lifted. His publicist released a statement saying, “Rod has been given this opportunity and he believes it is (expletive) golden.”
