The Larely Beagle – The Community Newspaper of Larely, California

Eden Prairie, MN – Several patrons at a Target pharmacy in suburban Minneapolis silently came to the same conclusion today when they assumed that a slutty looking customer waiting in line at the pharmacy was there to refill her prescription for Valtrex, a drug used in the management of genital herpes.

Though the patrons didn’t voice their opinions until long after the woman, Jen Hutton, had left the pharmacy, the assumptions seemed to be based largely on Hutton’s hair (blonde on the top and in the middle, but transitioned into jet-black on the bottom and underside), her choice of outfit (tube top, skin tight jeans with her thong poking out) and the “tramp stamp” tattoo on her lower back (handle bar).

Ed Sheets, who was waiting in line to refill his Ambien prescription, told reporters after Hutton left that, “As soon as I saw her, I thought to myself, ‘My god, look at that sluuuut. If she weren’t here refilling her Valtrex prescription, I’d take her into the bathroom and bang all of her daddy issues away.’” Sheets went on to add, “Though, I should probably ask my doctor if you can still contract herpes if you double bag it and avoid skin-on-skin contact down there. I chalk it up to a missed opportunity as I should have given her my number and tell her to call me between outbreaks.”

Marjorie Lechner, a 73 year old grandmother of ten, was waiting for her blood pressure medication when she saw Hutton. “When she came slinking in I wanted to yell, ‘Hey everyone, get a load of this trollop!’ She should really be ashamed of herself for coming to a family store like Target all dressed up like some street walker. Everyone knows she was in here picking up that herpes medicine they advertise on commercial breaks during ‘The Dr’s.’, and I wouldn’t doubt if she’s transferred it to three different married men already today.”

Jack Wenner, a retired marine who was stopping in to pick up some Diabetic testing supplies, echoed the sentiments of Sheets and Lechner, telling reporters, “I was worried she was going to faint because standing for that long without getting a chance to lie on her back probably made her pretty dizzy. I’m just sorry my daughter wasn’t with me because that girl here refilling her Valtrex was the physical embodiment of the abstinence argument.”

Wenner also admitted that he snapped a picture of Hutton with his camera phone but he wouldn’t be able to show it to his daughter as the camera, for some unknown reason, zoomed in very tight on her chest.”

All three customers said they planned to come back the same time one month from now so that they could catch another glimpse of Hutton.