Larely Airlines Announces $15 Surcharge for Well Endowed Male Passengers
Larely, CA – In a new example of just how aggressive airline surcharges can be, Larely Airlines announced today that beginning March 1, 2009, they will begin charging a $15 surcharge for well-endowed male passengers.
Larely Airlines CEO Don Hayes announced the decision saying, “We’ve let this go for far too long. Not only does a male passenger with a large penis and/or scrotum take up more air space on the plane, he puts much more stress on the seat cushions than other passengers do. Because those seat cushions also have to double as flotation devices in the event of a water landing, the wear and tear on them from well endowed guys forces us to replace them much sooner than normal. If we didn’t, those things would sink like rocks because the foam inside them had become so condensed.
Hayes also said that he doesn’t expect the fee to hurt Larely Airlines’ business. “Larely Airlines has really grown over the years as people have started to embrace our company’s relaxed conduct policies. Larely Airlines currently allows smoking on all of its flights, we allow passengers with a first class ticket to grope flight attendants, we designate one bathroom on every plane solely for sexual intercourse, and we were also the first and only airline to entertain passengers with a live in-flight donkey show. Frankly, there’s no other airline in the world that offers these amenities, so I don’t expect to see a decline in business.”
Larely Airlines has also developed a great reputation among pilots, as they are currently the only airline that lets pilots fly after drinking alcohol, provided they keep their BAC under .35.
The decision caused an uproar over at Vivid Entertainment Group, which is the world’s largest producer of adult films. Co-founder Steven Hirsch was extremely upset, telling reporters “We used to fly nearly all of our male stars on Larely Air because, honestly, you could get away with pretty much anything. I’m not going to name names, but a flight attendant over there once let one of our stars drop Himalayan Trail Mix all over a her chest while her mom watched. However, that’s beside the point. This new surcharge they’ve enacted applies to all of my male stars and is complete discrimination. Not only will we never fly with them again, they can also expect to hear from our lawyers.”
Hayes said that Hirsch’s reaction isn’t unexpected and that he welcomes any legal challenges because Larely Airlines’ policies are all carefully researched and written to be within the confines of the law.
