Kid Rock Honored with Lifetime Over-Achievement Grammy
Los Angeles, CA – Musician Kid Rock took home his first ever Grammy Award this past weekend when he was honored with a “Lifetime Over-Achievement Award”. The award was presented to Rock because he has enjoyed enormous commercial success despite releasing shitty song after shitty song.
Rock, whose real name is Bob Ritchie, was also nominated in two other categories: “Best Male Pop Vocal Performance” [All Summer Long] and “Best Rock Album” [Rock N Roll Jesus]. However, he lost out to John Mayer and Coldplay respectively.
Neil Portnow, who serves as President of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences made the decision to honor Ritchie with the Award saying, “We strongly felt that the swill Kid Rock has been putting out over the past eight years, while commercially successful, is god-awful. His entire career has been a compilation of songs that appear to be hastily shat out between a steady diet of beer drinking and groupie nailing. Though, for some reason, people keep listening to it. It’s a mystery as baffling as crop circles.”
Portnow took the explanation a step further saying, “Just look at his big hit song from this year. It combines Warren Zevon’s ‘Werewolves of London’ and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ into a melody that he basically talks over. He didn’t do any real work to create this song, and low and behold it hit number one in several countries and even cracked the top ten of the country charts. It’s crazy.”
While the results may shock Portnoy, they are certainly nothing new for Kid Rock, as he set a new precedent for yielding great commercial success from virtually nothing with the release of the song “Bawitdaba” in 1999.
According to Will Engel, a music critic from “The Larely Weekender”, “As soon as I heard ‘Bawitdaba’ I knew he had the potential to someday take this award home. That song is a complete piece of shit. I’d love to know who does the rankings over at VH1, because they somehow have it rated as the 47th best hard rock song of all time. Personally, I’d be shocked if this song was actually anywhere near the top 1000.”
When the award was announced, the capacity crowd at the Staples Center stood and cheered as Kid Rock graciously accepted the award saying, “I’m so honored by this award, and the fact that I’ve won a ‘lifetime’ award after being in the business only fifteen years really speaks volumes about the music I put out.”
