The Larely Beagle – The Community Newspaper of Larely, California

Washington, D.C. – In a meeting with reporters today, President George W. Bush announced that he would be strategically leaving his eight year run as president off of his resume when searching for a new job.

President Bush, who has less than one week left in office, hasn’t decided what he’d like to do next.  However, he did tell reporters, “Let’s be real honest here, I really don’t think my performance during my eight years as President of the United States of America is going to open a whole lot of doors for me in corporate America.  Because of this, I’ve decided it would be best to just leave it off my resume completely.”

When asked how he’d respond to an interview question about what he had been doing during the eight years that have elapsed since he was governor of Texas, Bush said, “That’s real simple.  I’ll tell them I’ve been President of Player Personnel for the Baltimore Orioles for the past eight years and then we’ll move on.  Trust me, no one wants to talk about the Orioles, so they won’t ask any follow-up questions.”  The answer seemed to go over well in the room full of reporters, as most just nodded their head in agreement.

Bush was also asked how he was going to approach the job hunt.  He responded by saying, “I’ll probably take a little time off before I start pounding the pavement, but I’m not really sure what I’d like to do next.  My dad was going to make a few phone calls on my behalf, so maybe I’ll just see where he can get me in.  I may also have him post my resume on TheLadders.com, I hear that’s where all the real money jobs are being posted these days.”

Bush also went on to say that one more possibility was to use his continuing secret service protection to start up a landscaping crew.  “Those boys are all big and strong, and landscaping or some sort of manual labor seems like it’d be a good fit.  Plus, since they’re already getting paid by the U.S. Government, all the money that they make at work can go directly to me.”