Scientists Discover New Baldwin Brother in Vietnam’s Mekong Delta Region
Can Tho, Vietnam – Scientists reported a major discovery from Vietnam’s Mekong Delta region today when they came across a new Baldwin brother that no one even knew existed.
The discovery was yet another chapter in the region’s amazing history of undiscovered wildlife. According to scientists, 1,068 new species of animals have been found there since 1997. The new Baldwin, whom scientists have named Peter, had apparently been living amongst the region’s opium fields.
Dr. Thomas Carver, who was leading the team’s exploration said, “We were all hopeful that our discovery was what we thought it was… an undiscovered Baldwin brother. Something of that magnitude would ensure that we’d be published in scientific journals all over the world and that we’d also never have to worry about funding again. However, before we could allow ourselves to be distracted by any of those thoughts, we needed to find out for sure that Peter was indeed a Baldwin.
In order to make a determination, scientists observed Peter for a period of twenty-four hours. During that time, they discovered that he displayed all the required characteristics of a Baldwin brother. According to Carver, “He had a flair for the dramatic as soon as we encountered him. In fact one of the scientists had the script for the Off-Broadway play ‘One Man Star Wars Trilogy’, and he performed it spot-on. For a guy that’s spent his entire life in a largely unexplored area of Vietnam, it was impressive.” Carver added, “We were also very encouraged by that fact that he was extremely irritable whenever we asked him a question. No matter what we said, he’d yell back and belittle us, which was music to our ears. Also, no matter how many times we washed him, fifteen minutes later he’d always have this greasy sheen to him. The combination of all these confirmed what we had hoped for. Peter is a Baldwin.”
The news came as a shock to other Baldwin brothers Alec, Daniel, William, and Stephen, who had up until now, been living their lives not knowing that Peter was even out there. Billy was the only brother who could be reached for comment and he told reporters that, “Hopefully there isn’t too much Daniel in the guy. Though, the fact that he’s been living in an opium field for most of his life probably doesn’t bode well for that wish.”
Carver hopes to have Peter back in the United States later this week, as he’s already got an audition for a supporting role in “CSI: Miami”.
