In Effort to Increase Ratings, Versus Network to Broadcast Color Bars All Day
Philadelphia, PA – In an effort to increase viewer ratings for Versus, its cable television sports channel, the Comcast Corporation has decided to quit airing all of its other programming and just broadcast color bars all day long.
The color bars, which are commonly used to calibrate equipment and make sure that programming is being transmitted and broadcast in its original condition, can be seen on other networks when they are either off the air, or have encountered technical difficulties. They have never been used as the programming itself, which makes the Versus channel a pioneer of sorts.
“Between NHL games, the Tour de France, and World Extreme Cagefighting, we thought we had the necessary ingredients to become a player in the sports television business.” said Brian Roberts, Comcast’s Chairman and CEO. “However, since the time slots in which we were off the air and displaying color bars were receiving higher ratings than any of our other shows, we’ve decided to begin courting that audience and show the bars full time.”
Industry experts believe the decision will be a successful one. The Nielsen Media Research Group released a statement saying, “We commend Comcast for making such a bold decision in regards to the Versus channel. It eases a lot of the troublesome findings we’ve come across when analyzing our numbers.”
According to inside source at Neilsen, almost all of the troublesome findings referenced have been in regards to the NHL, which is Versus’ flagship programming. Apparently, nearly the entire country has completely forgotten that the NHL even exists, and ratings have been reflecting that over the past couple seasons.
Surprisingly, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman took the loss quite well. While most commissioners would be enraged at losing nearly all of the U.S. cable television exposure, Bettman just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Versus? I don’t know if I’ve heard of them. I remember cashing some checks from an ‘OLN Network’, but I’ve never heard of ‘Versus’. Don’t tell anyone, but frankly, I’ve been on auto pilot over here since the strike.”
Comcast also pointed out that it’s not just the bars that they expect will win viewers over. They also suspect millions of viewers will tune in for “the tone” as well. The tone he’s referring to is a 1000 Hz sine wave that is also used for calibration purposes. Comcast’s research has shown it as tracking extremely well among females age 36-49.
