The Larely Beagle – The Community Newspaper of Larely, California

Larely, CA – By all appearances, Evan Norris is a completely average six year old. He loves dinosaurs, wants to be a fireman or an astronaut when he grows up, and he still occasionally wets the bed. However, underneath his average exterior Evan possesses a truly special gift that he frequently calls upon to light up internet comment boards all over the world. They are unaware that little Evan can go to internet comment boards and tie any topic back to bangin’ your mom.

Whether the subject is the possible government bailout of General Motors (If GM stops making cars, they’ll stop making back seats, and I’ll have nowhere to bang your mom.), the liberal media (I stick my liberal meat-in-ya mom every day, beeeyatch.), or Veteran’s Day (I was in the Navy…served on the “U.S.S. Bangin’ Your Mom” until she received my honorable discharge.), Norris has the innate ability to analyze an article and its comments and find the best way to bring it back to bangin’ your mom.

While his fame is now far reaching, Norris’ rise began as that of an internet legend. Writers knew that whatever their subject matter was, there was someone out there who could bring it back to bangin’ your mom. The internet commenters were also warning each other to be careful about what they posted or they’d incur the wrath of the “bangin’ your mom” commenter.

At first, the warnings were summarily dismissed, but people soon realized that if a commenter’s head got a little too big, they would be stung by a “bangin’ your mom” comment that instantly killed whatever credibility they had built up on the boards of that site.

While he won’t divulge all of his usernames, Evan was kind enough to share a few with us so that we could admire his work. For the New York Times.com, he goes by “T-Bag’n Yo Mama”, on cnn.com he’s known as “BllsDp’N’UR’MA” and on the Chicago Tribune.com he’s known as “===>URMAMA”.

Visits to these sites show that not only is Norris a top commenter on all of them, but his comments are evenly distributed among each section of the papers… even wedding announcements (he found the wedding announcement for a groom’s mother, pasted it into the comment box and added “I hope she’s into all the same freaky shit your mom was when I banged her the night before her wedding.”).

While some fellow commenters disagree with Norris’ work, site administrators absolutely love him, as an article with one of his comments on it typically has 20-30% more views than other articles.