Fluffers Union to Sue Maker of Viagra Over Lost Jobs

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By • Nov 5th, 2008 • Section: Beagle Hall of Fame, Movies

Chatsworth District, Los Angeles, CA – The pharmaceutical industry is expected to be caught up in a wave of negative publicity today after the Fluffers Union of America filed a lawsuit against Pfizer, the maker of Viagra.

The fluffers, who are responsible for keeping male porn stars aroused while the production team makes adjustments to the scenery and setup, blame Pfizer’s erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra, for the dismissal of hundreds of fluffers around the country. The union is seeking damages rumored to be in the millions so that it can provide ex-fluffers with the severance packages they did not receive.

A spokesmen for Pfizer called the lawsuit laughable, saying “This is no different than using automated technologies on an assembly line… it’s making the industry more efficient and cutting costs at the same time. I guarantee the Adult Film Directors Guild will side with Pfizer on this matter, as they no longer have to cut a check to some greasy dude that just so happens to give a great hand job.

Members of the Fluffers Union of America say that their classification as someone whose sole job is to keep male porn stars aroused is both outdated and narrow minded. They point out that their job description has evolved drastically over the years.

Alex Oswald, who was recently laid off after fifteen years as a fluffer, says, “Sure, fluffers keep the porn star aroused, but we make many other contributions to the movie that often go unnoticed. As soon as that director yells ‘cut’, I’m the first guy in there with a towel prettying up the actor’s junk for the next shot. If I don’t do this, secretions, fecal matter, and detached pubic hairs are simply left on his penis, which makes the film look like amateur hour. Nobody wants that.”

While the two sides will disagree about Viagra’s role in the decline of employed fluffers, no one will argue that’s it been a rough ride for the fluffing industry over the past few years. Fluffers used to be a main-stay of every adult movie set and the importance of their services made it one of the glitziest jobs in the adult film industry. However, all that changed with the arrival of Viagra, which keeps male stars rock hard without the need for any manual stimulation. Where once male stars had to close their eyes and maintain complete focus on their erection while the fluffer did his job, now they can just sit down, do a Sudoku, and not have to worry about losing their erection.

Attorneys for both the Fluffers Union of America and Pfizer Inc are expected to meet early next week.

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4 Responses »

  1. nobody knows how i can b a fluffler

  2. Perfect. larelybeagle.com deserves an oscar.

  3. if they have a union, they should exercise their right to stroke – er I mean – strike

  4. I have lost a lot of work cause of it. I am proud to be in this Union. I take very much pride in my work.

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