Lack of Fall Blockbuster Movies Means Winter Coming Early This Year
Hollywood, CA – Members of both the Broadcast Film Critics Association and the American Meteorological Society held a press conference this morning to announce that the lack of Blockbuster movies this Fall will result in Winter arriving as much as three weeks earlier than usual.
During the press conference, Joey Berlin, the co-founder of the Broadcast Film Critics Association, noted that in a typical year, a strong crop of Summer and Fall blockbusters actually keeps the cold arctic air at bay for a few extra weeks. This allows for a longer Fall, and in some cases, an Indian Summer, which benefits America’s farmers and allows other Americans to enjoy more time outdoors. However, because of a long string of terrible movies this fall, there is nothing preventing Winter from invading early. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what it is going to do.
Berlin also said, “2007 had Fall releases like ‘No Country for Old Men’, ‘American Gangster’, ‘Superbad’, ‘Enchanted’ and ‘Rush Hour 3’, which all did very well at the box office and kept Winter away until early December. Unfortunately for the citizens of this country, and especially the farmers of this country, the terrible crop of movies from the Fall 2008 will not give them this luxury.”
He pointed out, that by trotting out shitty movie after shitty movie this Fall, the weekly box office crown has been won by terrible movies like “Lakeview Terrace”, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” (2 consecutive weeks), and “Max Payne”.
Hearing the titles of the movies themselves seemed to anger Berlin even more as he added, “Cold, arctic air has never, and will never, respect movies of this caliber and the studios should be ashamed for not holding themselves to a higher standard of quality. The impact of their actions isn’t just limited to the film industry and the bottom line is that the entire country will be paying the price for their arrogance.”
This winter’s early onset also has a chance arrive even earlier than 2005, which currently holds the record for earliest arrival of Winter. That year was especially rough as its Fall season created box office kings out of movies like “Doom”, “The Fog”, and “Flight Plan”. Total ticket sales that year were also the lowest they had been since 1996. That figure is even more depressing when you add the fact that 1996 had nearly 100 fewer movies released than 2005.
