To Aid in Duchovny’s Recovery, Cast of “Californication” Replaced with Ugly Chicks
Los Angeles – To help facilitate lead star David Duchovny’s recovery from sex addiction, Showtime’s television program “Californication” has taken the bold step of firing every attractive female from its cast and replacing them with ugly chicks.
The announcement came about two weeks after Duchovny checked out of a rehabilitation facility and is intended to prevent a relapse that my interfere with the show’s shooting schedule.
Natascha McElhone, who played the role of Karen, Duchovny’s on again/off again ex-wife, was upset by the change, but also noted that it’s probably best for Duchovny. “Initially, I was appalled by the actions of the both the Showtime Network and of Tom Kapinos [the show’s creator]. I know that myself and the rest of the [attractive female] cast have put in more hours than we can count to make this show a success. To be treated like this after all that hard work is disheartening. However, while I’m almost certain I had something in my contract that prevented this kind of sudden termination, I’m not going to pursue the matter further out of respect for David. We have grown close over the course of filming the show, and the sexual tension between us was palpable.”
While McElhone’s replacement has yet to be named, many insiders believe that Rosie O’Donnell has been tabbed for the role.
The main [attractive female] cast members weren’t the only ones feeling blue today. Nearly every small role and extra on the show was played by some large chested minx who also received her pink slip. Noticeably distraught was Michelle Lombardo who played the small, reoccurring role of “Surfer Girl” in both season one and two. She said that during the meeting Tom Kapinos thanked them all for their hard work, and said while he felt bad about it, they had to be let go because they just couldn’t afford to have David relapse. He went on to say that since David is the main character in the show, they had to do what was best for him. Even if it meant getting rid of 20+ attractive, buxom females.
The recasting of the show is expected to take about three weeks. The show will be on hiatus until then, and when it resumes, will seamlessly transition as if the changes had never occurred.
Producers have also been asked to adjust footage from last season, with the most notable change being the elimination of the clip of a wonderfully naked Madeline Zima having sex with Duchovny. The clip has been included in nearly every “previously on” segment that opens the show. This extra precaution was taken just in case Duchovny is watching the airing of an episode at home.
