Larely City Council Passes Law Requiring McDonald’s to Serve Breakfast All Day
Larely, CA – The Larely City Council voted 4-3 today to pass a law that will require McDonald’s to serve breakfast all day instead of halting sales at 10:30 AM. The vote, which passed by the slimmest of margins, capped off weeks of speculation about whether or not it would garner the four votes necessary for its passage.
Fewer proposals in Larely’s history have been met with such staunch support from both sides and immediately after the announcement was made, the standing room only crowd that had jammed inside city hall erupted into a mix of applause and boo’s.
The opinions of six council members have been known for weeks, and as expected, councilman Pete Winkels became the deciding vote. He cast his vote in favor of the proposal and joined councilmen, Tex Snyder, Remy Tarpley, and Frankie De Luca in their approval. Voting against the proposal were councilwomen Josephine Rousseau, Margaret Van Walden and councilman Bruce Winters.
According to sources inside city hall, Rousseau and Van Walden voted against the proposal due to their close affiliations with the Larely Vegan Association and the Larely Association to Outlaw Processed Food, while Winters voted against it because he’s trying to fuck Van Walden.
The same source told us that Snyder was in favor because the Larely Cattleman’s Beef Association currently holds the title on his home, Tarpley was in favor because he’s a founding member of and the Larely Fast Food Enthusiasts Club. De Luca has long voiced his support of the proposal because he owns and operates every McDonald’s restaurant in Larely.
Pete Winkels has been on the fence since the issue was first proposed, and this indecision has led to his meeting with numerous lobbyists over the past week with both sides making a concerted effort to court his vote. While the Larely Healthy Heart Association presented some valid evidence linking fast food with heart disease, it apparently wasn’t quite enough. In the end, he decided the fact that he used to fuck Councilwoman Rousseau and now can’t stand her because she got all clingy and needy after she left her husband and kids to be with him was all the reason he needed to vote in favor.
Larely Mayor Vern Bixler also hailed the decision, remarking, “I can’t even begin to tell you how often my mayorly duties keep me out until 4 or 5 in the morning. As a result, I often times way too hungover from my hardwork to even think about eating before noon. We all know that nothing prepares you for a day of work better than fast-food breakfast, and I’m ecstatic I will be able to make this happen regardless of when I wake up. I think the passage of this proposal will not only improve the quality of life in this city, it will also improve the quality of work that I put in.”
