DNA Evidence Implicates Too Short in Death of “Blow Job Betty”
Oakland, CA. – Oakland police made a huge break in a cold case today as a DNA sample implicated rapper Too $hort in the death of Oakland native Blow Job Betty. Using DNA samples that had been retrieved from Betty’s face, her neck, and chest, Oakland police now have their suspect.
Case files indicate that DNA from multiple sources were found at the scene, but according to Lieutenant Mark Smelarska, the lethal DNA appeared to have come from an individual that “had a big dick he could lay right on her tonsils.” He also remarked that another clue was that the suspect “only stuck it in about half way back. We now know that this was a result of him being worried about bustin’ straight through her neck. Once we analyzed this particular DNA, we were able to match it to Too $hort with a 99.9998% level of certainty.”
Too $hort has always been a “person of interest” in the case due to their previous relationship in which Betty made him rich, but was then cut loose like an old school ‘vette. However, his possible involvement was never pursued further as the Oakland police department didn’t have the capability to run DNA testing at that time.
Police are ecstatic to finally have broken the case open, as Betty’s was a high profile death that sent shockwaves through Oakland’s male community after she was found dead in the bathroom of a club in late 1992.
First responders to the crime scene said it appeared likely that Betty was at the club “puttin’ in work” when she choked to death on the perpetrator’s fatal nut. Oakland’s CSI Unit was able to corroborate this, and the autopsy later confirmed that Betty’s windpipe was entirely clogged with semen, which was the direct cause of her death. However, with no witnesses to the crime, the Oakland police were unable to come up with any suspects.
This lack of suspects also made her funeral service especially emotional. Thankfully, the mostly male crowd at Betty’s funeral was able to help each other through the pain by sharing their favorite memories of Betty. T-Na-Na, remembered that “She was a fiend for a fuck and a mouth full of cum.” Big Wheesy remembered her as the “type of girl that would make your toes pop.” Reverend Mitchell Johnson, the services’ officiiant, eulogized her by saying, “She could blow more head than a whale blew water, Blow Job Betty made your dick get harder.”
Too $hort is expected to be arraigned on charges tomorrow morning.
Hopefully Too $hort is acquitted so he can keep pimpin’ those hoes on the boulevard.