Botanists Mystified by Abundance of Red Ferns on Old Michael Vick Property
Surrey, VA. – In an effort to solve a strange, real life botanical mystery, botanists have flocked to the property previously owned by Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick to try and figure out what could be causing an abundance of red ferns to be growing on the property.
The ferns, typically native to South America, have not been seen in the United States in over 25 years and as of now, botanists are not sure why they’ve shown up in Virginia.
The ferns were discovered when the new owners of the house contacted, a local landscaping company to remove an abundance of plants that were encroaching upon the lawn. The landscaping company, unsure of what species the plant was, took pictures and emailed them to Dr. Lionel Rutherford, one of the nation’s foremost authorities in botany, and a professor at UC-Larely here in California.
“When I first saw the pictures, I thought I was on some hidden camera show because there was no way I was going to believe that they were taken in Virginia. But after talking some more to the folks at the company I knew I had to get over there to see them for myself.” After hanging up the phone, Rutherford quickly grabbed a bunch of diagnostic equipment and chartered the school’s private jet to take him to Surrey, VA.
When Rutherford arrived at the house and saw the plants, he was absolutely flabbergasted. “It was like that scene in Jurassic Park when Sam Neill first sees the brontosaurus and he stands up in the jeep while slowly taking off his glasses.“ He said. “Shocked doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling I had.”
Rutherford quickly went to work, testing the soil composition for any irregularities that may have allowed the ferns to grow. After testing the pH, electrical conductivity, moisture level and contaminant level, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The only element that tested out of the ordinary was the soil organic matter, which is usually associated with animal decomposition. In fact, according to Dr. Rutherford, the levels of organic matter in the soil were higher that those found in the Amazon rainforest
Organic matter aside, the test results were inconclusive and Dr. Rutherford is still hard pressed to find the reason that so many red ferns have grown on the property, saying, “I am at a complete loss as to the explanation behind the miracle in Botany that has occurred here in Surry, but I will keep working until I am able to pinpoint the reason.” After heading back to Larely, he plans to immediately contact the International Group of Botany Professors to get more investigators on the case.
